Hi friends! Today I’m addressing some of the questions I receive most about having help as a mom. I know this isn’t for everyone but I wanted to share my top 3 things that “help” me stay happy, sane, and in a good mood. Maybe they will help you too!
1.) 24 hours. This is the magic number folks. I’ve shared this before with some serious backlash (welcome to internet troll world–insert eye roll) and I am happy to share this again. My husband and I decided before my son was born that I would have 24 hours a month to myself. Yep, one full day of time alone. I can use this time to do whatever I choose, I can use 10 hours, 12, 15, or the full 24 hours. Most months, I’ll admit, I never use the whole time, I miss my tribe and come back home early. Self care is so important and this 24 hours every 30 days allows me to take care of myself mentally and enjoy some time away from responsibilities as a mom, a wife, and my work as a personal trainer.
So how does this work? My husband and I look at the calendar each month and see what’s best for his work/travel schedule, my schedule, and my sons school schedule. My husband takes the lead on this one, he stays with our son the full 24 hours and if that’s not possible my son will stay with the babysitter for a few hours. This usually is on the weekend, we’ve learned over the past few months that Friday afternoon-Saturday afternoon works really well for us.
What do I do? Anything I want! (C’mon people I’m married, a mom and I’m 30, let’s not get nuts here). Here’s a list of some of my favorite things to do!
-girls night! Head to a friends for a slumber party, dinner, wine night, and lots of laughs!
-spa time. Spend the afternoon/evening at the spa for a massage and facial, room service and a hotel stay.
-stay at home. I love this because you can’t use finances as an excuse, y’all. My husband can take my son to play, eat pizza or watch a movie. I can stay home alone and do the same! When they get back my husband can bathe and put my son to bed and I can still relax. In the morning I can head to breakfast or brunch alone and hubby can have morning kid duties!
I encourage everyone to do this! Even if you can’t do it each month, do it often. Your sanity is so worth it!
If your husbands schedule is too crazy, get a fellow mom friend and trade. She can go for her time and you can keep her child/ren and then you can switch and go.
Find a family member, babysitter, or girlfriend and make this happen.
2.) Allow myself grace. I forgot his sweater, I forgot to wash my husbands practice uniform, the sink is full. These are several (of the many) things I forget, fail at, mess up, and miss each and every day. But I have learned to give myself grace and to get help. Sometimes I tell my husband that he’s got to wash the dishes because I just need a 30 minute nap. Sometimes I need my husband to pick up my son even though the OCD in me just cringes because I know that he’ll forget the lunchbox, the hat, and my son’s scarf at school. Sometimes I’ve got to get the babysitter to come for no other reason than for me to go in my room and sleep! (Yep, I said it, judge your mother).
Get help and give yourself some grace. We aren’t perfect, we aren’t supposed to be.
3.) Hire help. Now I know this isn’t for everyone but it’s been an incredible help for my family as each year we seem to get busier and busier. We have help for our son and have help to clean our home. Is it an extra expense? Yes. Can I spend less somewhere else in order to cover this extra? Absolutely. Having a nanny/babysitter has been the best thing we have done for our family and our marriage. When my son was first born we had A LOT of help. My mom was with us for one month while we were in Germany and then we hired literally the sweetest human on the planet to nanny our son. Since our marriage comes first (more eye rolls, I know), we needed time away, I needed to support my husband on the basketball court–his job, and I wanted time for self care and to get back working with clients and personal training. I never thought I would find another sweet gal to help us when we left Germany (we even tried to bring her home-hehe) but we DID find help and as our son has gotten older, we don’t need full time help and our current babysitter just comes several times a month. Not only do I need help, but our marriage does too. We need and want date nights, time away, and self care time too.
I also want extra time with my son. So if having a housekeeper gives me 2-3 extra hours a week to spend with my son instead of cleaning, I’ll take it!
I know these 3 don’t work for everyone, I know we all lead different lives, but I also know this works for us. I know that I am a little more relaxed, a little less stressed, a better mom and wife (my husband tells me so), when I have these 3 things consistently.
Thanks for reading friends & have a wonderful week!
((my favorite photo of us, circa 2011))